Borneo Lady: My Mother

Honouring my mother on Mother's day the 12th May 2019.

Though my mother is not here anymore but her memories stay with us forever.

My mother was a strong woman who don't trust anyone easily except herself and my father. Those who have known her, accepted the way she is. No matter how hard or sad the situation was, you can never see her shed a tear. The only time, I saw her cry, was our father's final days.

Mom brought us up, to believe that we must not owe anyone, anything or show any of our weaknesses, because she believed that people will take advantage.

She had a strong mind of her own and no one dare to argue with her, including my father😁

On the 12th May 2019, I bought this single flower for my late mom and visited my late parents, where they now rest together at our local columbarium here.

A beautiful flower for my late mother at her resting place on this special mother's day 12th May 2019.

When I was 18 years old, I had a heated argument with her over a card on Mother's Day. In our upbringing, it's not a custom to give cards in the family. So I thought, it would make a difference to get a special expensive card for Mother's Day as a surprise. I was in college at that age and in those days, trainee received allowance of 420 ringgit (less than a hundred pound) per month,

When I gave her the card, she gave me a dirty look and earache, without even looking at the card. She said it's a waste of money and card doesnt fill your belly. I was disappointed at my mother's reaction for not seeing the effort I made for her or giving me a thank you smile. How sad.😢😢

This custom of not giving cards was understandable at that time. Strangely though, many years later, while I was overseas, I received a birthday and Christmas card from my parents! I was taken aback and please. I smiled to myself feeling very happy.

My mother was Chinese educated, very careful not to waste money unneccesarily. Her generation also witnessed the 2nd world war in Singapore, where food was scarce. She lived in a different era,compared to mine. I was educated in a missionary school, where we had the opportunity to learn English and it's culture.

As a child, I had witnessed the hardship she gone through,but I didn't understand what it was, at that time. All I wanted, was to play in the village until I grew up, got married and had children... then I began to understand her better.

My mom was from Singapore. She followed my father to Jesselton (now Kota Kinabalu), North Borneo in the 50's. Living in a strange country in a wooden house surrounded by jungle, no friends or famiy except her children and husband, it was really tough for her.

The situation became worse when something happened to my father. To support her children in the family, my mother worked very hard to sell noodles at the Gaya Street coffee shop. She was the first to introduce the Singapore Laksa and Prawn noodle soup to Kota Kinabalu and though it was a hit, she earned just enough to feed us, three meals a day. Laksa was 70sen per bowl while Prawn noodle 50sen.

Inspite of her struggle, she never once complained to her relatives in Singapore.

She strongly believed that "she had made her bed, she lie in it", a phrase commonly used by parents.

Every morning, She would wake up early, to cook the concentrated Laksa broth.1/4 of the large pot , Let it cool then carried it across a narrow bridge to the car to transport it to the shop. Mom never cook those recipes in the shop because it's a secret recipe,not to be shared. My eldest sister was her assistant to prepare the Laksa paste. My eldest sister made a mistake by leaking out the secret of the Laksa paste to her friend, who happened to be the daughter of my mother's assistant at the stall. Later, my mother's assistant resigned and opened her own stall, a few shops away from her stall.

One day, it was pouring heavily and the bridge was flooded. Our wooden house was on the other side of the bridge across the river. It was not far. but when it was flooded, 30 feet was still far. With laksa broth in the big pot, she slowly tried to cross the small bridge, which was covered with muddy river. She walked slowly, feeling the small narrow bridge path with her bare feet blindly . As expected, she missed her footing and fell into the muddy river. Gone were her big pot of laksa, but we were more concerned for her safety, because we saw that she was struggling to swim to safety. Fortunately, she managed. If only you knew how terrified we were standing there as children and couldn't do anything to help our mother. She was filled with frustration and desperation but she never shed a tear.

I still have that sadness feeling, whenever I think about it. Imagine as a child, I want to help but couldn't and i wanted to cry but couldn't because ma would look at me in the eyes and message received to say, "dont cry, be strong"! Every time, I think about the Bridge and her Laska, it brings tears to my eyes. I miss my mom.😢😢😢

She was a good role model, for an independant woman. I remembered, no one was there to help her and she always say no one is going to help us so we need to help each other. But it was not true, because there was an incident when my eldest sister and I, saw a huge python in our chicken coop. My mother had no choice because my pa was not around, so help came from neighbourhood to catch the big snake, killed it and cook it for meat!😉😉

My late Mom - year 2009

I remembered mother was always full of smiles, whenever I cooked prawn noodles using her secret recipes and then, invited her to do food tasting.😂 but of course, I couldn't beat her cooking skill😛😛

My Home made Singapore prawn noodles 😋

Exactly her taste, I am glad I didn't lose her recipe 🤭

Her last 15 years with me, was a close relationship before God decided to take her away from us. All the previous years of misunderstandings were all forgiven.🙏🙏

She was very attached to my daughter and listened to everything she

said. The 2 of them had an incredibly special bond and mom's eyes would brighten up, whenever she heard her grand daughter's name mentioned. 😄